I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
