think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
