I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
