I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
