girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
