i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
