Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
