I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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