I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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