did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mom said you looked used
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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