White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
