I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
