I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
