she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
