Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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