I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
