what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
