I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
