You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
