Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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