I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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