you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize