Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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