He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
