Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
