If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
