If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
