found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize