I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
