Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
