If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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