this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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