the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
