Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
