He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
