you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
