Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize