I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
