i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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