I think I died a long time ago.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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