Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
