I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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