You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
