Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
