Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
