Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
