I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
