I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
