He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
