then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
