Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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