I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
