Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
