i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
