There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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