margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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