Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize