i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
