I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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