dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm getting married
To pizza
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
