I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
