Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
