We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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