after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
