i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
