i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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