Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize