I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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