ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
