I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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