I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
